Christmas Ranch (2016)

Title: Christmas Ranch
Year of Release: 2016
Available On: Netflix December 2017
Rating: 3.5 out of 5 Jingle Bells

Here’s the gist a la IMDB: A rebellious girl is sent to stay on her grandmother’s horse ranch for Christmas. She falls into friendship with her grandmother’s pony and becomes determined to help save the ranch from foreclosure.

Oh lookits – a horse movie! Trouble Teen™’s (Taylor Lyons) workaholic parents (who p.s. are trying very hard to be supportive parents and she is ungrateful like all teenagers are, or at least like I was) leave her at gma’s (Francine Locke) house for the holidays. She understandably feels abandoned, but is blowing it out of proportion as some of us are wont to do. Troubled Teen™ comes across some notices that her gma is close to losing the house and that’s why she’s been getting rid of her precious horses. Meanwhile, the house is beautiful and way too big for one lady and couldn’t you maybe rent a room to someone?

Who keeps carrots in the (un-refrigerated) pantry? Is that a thing I don’t know about? Is their home unheated?

Uh oh, cue cute teenage guy (Allen Williamson) rollin’ up on a bike. I smell a tame love affair. Followed swiftly by PRAYER so I now know where this movie is headed: straight into subtle Jesus-y territory. Troubled Teen™ throws a dang tantrum when she realizes cute teenage guy is eating her dinner after she’s over a half hour late. He doesn’t even finish the meal because he “has to” help set up his family tree! Gma is trying to set up some boundaries, which by the way is 100% the thing that this Troubled Teen™ needs, and Teen™ is being such a brat about it. TT™ names her pony “Hope,” which is one of the best things about this movie because I like a gender-bendy name. Oh, and these teenagers drink MILK with dinner! They drink milk with dinner!

One of the best things about this movie is seeing the young actress’s acne change from scene to scene. And I’m not being snide – I really love it. It’s realistic and she’s very beautiful.

If you know these movies, this one is the plot where a plucky family might lose the homestead to greedy developers at Christmastime, no less?

My intrepid googling led me to find out that Troubled Teen™ married cute teenage guy and because I’m a sap, that pushes the score up half a jingle bell. They got married on September 9, 2017. That’s g.d. adorable.