Title: A Christmas Tree Miracle
Year of Release: 2013
Available On: Hulu as of 9/19
Rating: 1.5 out of 5 Jingle Bells
This is a verrrrry low budget movie. All the white people. There are no POC in this world. Everyone is wrapped up in their phones, wrapped up in their politics, utterly wrapped up in capitalism. Which tells you what the message is! Not anti-capitalism, I’d die a happy death if that was the message of one of these movies, but this movie is: Modern Family Learns What Really Matters At Christmas.
A buncha whiny suburban assholes are mean to one another and very self-absorbed. They utilize the homeless to teach us those lessons, which is never a good move when they’re not wholly formed characters. Probably someone who practices Christianity wrote this movie — I’m not gonna go Google it to find out.
The sets are fine. The costuming is fine. The dialogue is more than a little contrived. The storyline is predictable. It’s basically the queen of mediocrity with the fine exception of the little actress who plays Nina. Siomha Kenney. You saved this movie, honey. Would’ve been a two jingles, but now it’s a two and a half jingles.
Mom: She’s calling to ask us to church.
Nina: Why wouldn’t we want to go to church, it’s Christmas?
Dad: I send them a check every year, I feel like I practically own that church.
You get the gist. This is some moralizing bullshit. Ok, even because of Siomha, I gotta put this down another jingle.