Christmas Coupon (2019)

Title: Christmas Coupon
Year of Release: 2019
Available On: Tubi as of 1/19
Rating: 1 out of 5 Jingle Bells

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Ok, so this movie starts with something that’s supposed to be a flashback, a.k.a. two clearly 30-something actors pretend to be high schoolers. We watch someone ice skating who is clearly not Courtney Mathews, who plays Allison. Meanwhile the other dodo (Aaron Noble) from the opening scene is facing the end of his professional hockey career. Immediately following, there’s a scene where Allison is feeding the homeless? Turns out her sweet dude from high school has also turned into a bit of a turd.

Ivan: No no no no, you don’t have to do that. [His agent is washing dishes.] I have a cleaner to do this in the morning. I am a professional hockey player. I pay people to do this for me.

Oh dear god, this is bad. They are doing all of the so-called Godly shit. There’s a young girl with a visible disability. There are veterans in uniform coming home from service. The aforementioned unsheltered humans. A Catholic priest. Charity event for the soup kitchen.

The dialogue is pretty poor. Wooooo, it’s very bad. Wowee zowie. The acting is also poor. The quality of the filming is 6/10. Sets and costumes are maybe a 7/10.

Bobby (Robert Laenen) is a total asshole jealous boyfriend. And it’s just glossed over by the family as acceptable? Allison barely even puts up a fight when he acts like a psychopath. She asks for “a break,” but she should’ve thrown him into the freezing water. And even though I think we’re supposed to like Ivan, it’s hard to enjoy any of their interactions. Everyone likes him, but it’s not because he does anything above and beyond nice — it seems like it’s just because he played hockey? Or maybe they liked him as a kid? No one really likes Bobby, but they don’t put up much of a fight against him buying up all of downtown so he can put in a box store. The moralistic lessons of Nick are supposed to inspire us, but they fall flat. Though I will give Tim Kaiser props for being far and away the best actor of the bunch.

This lady has been engaged to two different dudes in, like, two weeks? It’s just not a good movie, y’all. Skip this one.

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