Santa Girl (2019)

Title: Santa Girl
Year of Release: 2019
Available On: Netflix on 11/19
Rating: 4 out of 5 Jingle Bells

Santa’s daughter, Cassie (Jennifer Stone), is a spoiled teen who will someday be Santa herself? Maybe? Unclear. She’s not too enthused about the responsibilities of her life. Her father, the one and only S. Claus (Barry Bostwick), is trying to teach her everything she needs to know. She’d like to enjoy her summer vacation, but he wants her to understand how the family business works.

Cassie: Dad, I wanna find myself.
Santa: Oh hey, let me help you out. There you are, you’re Cassandra Claus.

Cassie is over the moon when she gets an acceptance letter in the mail “from a real university in the real world.” Her father isn’t quite as soft and squishy as he’s normally depicted, but that actually makes more sense. No one could run an operation that extensive without some business acumen. He’s not thrilled about the idea at first, but eventually agrees to let her go for ONE semester. Not sure why that’s supposed to satiate an entire lifetime of being sequestered with only her parents (mom’s now dead) and a bunch of elves who “cater to [her] every whim.” Hard life, right? Well, it’s hard to be a teen. She is betrothed to Jack Frost’s son, has to come back to marry him after this semester, and she has to chill with an elf bodyguard / helper of sorts.

McKayla Witt as the sidekick elf, Pep, is freaking adorable. And everyone loves Barry Bostwick. This may be Joshua Cody‘s first role, but he’s good as JR. Devon Werkheiser is adorable Sam, who Cassie helps out with buying his books because his financial aid hasn’t gone through yet.

The plot thickens when it turns out that JR is the young man she is betrothed to. Her father, Jack Frost (Hank Stone), sent him to the same college to influence and manipulate Cassie into marrying JR without any fight. It’s not clear immediately WHY Frost cares so dang much that his son marries into the Claus family, but it doesn’t feel completely kosher. JR actually seems like a nice enough guy — he’s trying. He doesn’t seem to want to hurt Cassie. And Sam seems kind, too, though he does agree to Frost’s creepy little plan to “keep an eye” on Cassie. All this patriarchal, patronizing bullshit. That continues throughout, but let’s be honest: it’s in all the movies I review here.

I’d probably go for JR based on looks alone. Sam is cute,too, don’t get me wrong, but I’m over that whole “wah wah, nice guys finish last” stuff. I’d rather go for the straight frat guy who is still pretty nice than the moody, quirky guy who feels sorry for himself.

Sam: Jack Frost is a fictional character.
Pep: You gotta open your mind, man!