A Christmas Wedding Date (2012)

Title: A Christmas Wedding Date
Year of Release: 2012
Available On: Lifetime Channel app in 11/19
Rating: 1.5 out of 5 Jingle Bells

So many familiar faces in this one. Gia from Full House stars in this one, a.k.a. Marla Sokoloff, stars as Rebecca. A workholic who has been fired just before the holidays and decides to go home for a friend’s wedding on Christmas Eve. Rebecca thinks she has everything, but her experiences this Christmas will show her what she is missing. Sokoloff reunites with her 7th Heaven co-star, Catherine Hicks, who plays her loving mother. Rebecca is kind of a dick to her mother — she’s holier than thou and also brushes off her grieving mother when she wants to spend time with her daughter over the holiday. Rebecca’s like, “I’m just here for the wedding and I don’t wanna be with you, bai.” She’s downright cold. Grievers can have feelings about things, but you don’t have to be an asshole about it.

Also there are some SHITTY messages about weight and bodies. Marla runs into her old childhood friend, “Fat Jenny,” who is now skinny and also got breast implants. Neither of which is a problem per se, but the way they talk about it is very gross. Wow, totally horrific language. This is the most body-shaming movie I have ever watched. They’re trying to do the opposite, but it doesn’t work.

I’m not positive that’s it’s not meant to be cringe-inducing, but there’s some face-crumpling music in the middle that never should’ve been memorialized on film.

David DeLuise appears as a minister officiating Rebecca’s friends’ wedding. It’s cute. He’s good at it. There’s some Jesus stuff in the sermon I could’ve done without. You’ll recognize Stuart Pankin in his role as a shouting ice skating marketer. There’s some foreshadowing there that Rebecca will return with a date to take advantage of his offerings, but only time will tell. What is obvious from the shots is that Rebecca’s ex, Chad, the worst name on the entire planet, played by Chris Carmack, will be making a reappearance. (Thank you, The O.C.) The dialogue, it is not subtle.

Molly (Chelan Simmons): I thought even Rebecca would’ve been married by now!

Which results in Rebecca leaving in tears?? She wasn’t even drinking!

There’s a bunch of job-shaming, too. Molly is supposedly a loser because she still works as a cocktail waitress? Molly sucks, but not because she’s a cocktail waitress. These people are, like, 25 years old. Half of our generation was still serving tables at that point.

There’s a lot of non-consensual kissing in this movie as well.

Rebecca: Business is business, right?
Chad: Wow. So long, Becky. I hope you get everything you wanted.
Rebecca: I already have it!
Chad: I meant for Christmas.

This one is suuuuuper bad. Like, worse than usual. Even with the groundhog day aspect of repeating the same day over and over. You guess it, this one is: The One Where Someone Relives the Same Day Over and Over to Learn Lessons They Need to Learn. Avoid. Make a hard right turn.