A Very Nutty Christmas (2018)

Title: A Very Nutty Christmas
Year of Release: 2018
Available On: Amazon Prime as of 12/19
Rating: 2 out of 5 Jingle Bells

Oh, Barry Watson. Whatcha doin’, bud? I know that perhaps Party of Five wasn’t the paragon of dramatic fortune-telling that I thought it was, but this movie seems like a step down to me. Perhaps several steps down. Watson is still very handsome. And I like Melissa Joan Hart just fine, mostly because of Sabrina, but her Kate Holiday doesn’t seem like the best match for Chip. And isn’t Chip disappearing? He said he’s going to be “gone by Christmas Eve.” How are they supposed to fall in love if he’s going to disappear in a few days? I’m confused about his role if it’s not to fall in love with Kate — wow, I have been brainwashed by an entire genre of movies.

So all of the movies are cheesy, right. But this one is off the charts cheesy. Almost unwatchable cheesy. I’m wincing. I don’t know if I can finish it.

Kate: I’m going to the ball… in a carriage.

She’s wearing a full ball gown with a hoop. And a sateen red cape. All floor-length. I’m just — this isn’t even fun magic, it’s just gone straight passed “magical but believable” to “what the flipping fuck am I watching and why.” Everyone turns to stare at them, because yeah, they’re over-dressed in the most bizarre manner.

Conchata Ferrell is a treat, as per usual. She’s funny. I like watching her.

Kate: Do you really have to leave on Christmas Eve?
Chip: I can’t change that.
Kate: I know.

But HOW. HOW DO YOU KNOW. You aren’t curious how he got here, where he came from, why he’s so weird, or why he’s so obsessed with you? Furthermore, it’s not a gift to win everything in the silent auction. You have to pay for those! If you win everything, it means you bid the most on everything! That’s not a kind thing to do for a person who might have written down prices that were in their budget. The fact that both Chip and Kate think this is a kindness is… baffling. If Chip is magical and from another place, where is the real person who is supposed to be staying at Kate’s homeshare? [They do kinda answer this question later, but not in any kind of satisfying way.] Why are they making a snow person with bare hands? Why does he wear that hat when they’re in the theater, definitely blocking everyone’s view behind him, even though he can take it off at other times?

Anyway, skip this one unless you’re a big fan of one of the stars and/or The Nutcracker. Those are really the only reasons I can see to go for this one.