Christmas Homecoming (2017)

Title: Christmas Homecoming
Year of Release: 2017
Available On: Triple Play DVD Pack
Rating: 4 out of 5 Jingle Bells

Let me start by saying that I am not a patriot. I’m not pro-America. You probably don’t want to hear everything I have to say about that. I wouldn’t have purchased this “triple feature” DVD for myself, but it was given to me as a stocking stuffer — and I kind of relish the irony. I believe my mom bought this for me and she would not love the statement that I am not a patriot, but nonetheless, she made me this way! Goddess forbid you raise an independent thinker, eh? The chagrin of all Republican parents. (Keep waiting for me to ‘turn’ as I age, it’s not gonna happen.)

Y’allllllll. They opened with a homecoming video. I know that this is the literal title. But it was cute and those do bring a tear to my eye because I think they should bring them all home. Shall we continue?

Why is everyone rushing poor Amanda to get over her dead husband? Do I need to do a grief lesson? Don’t make me do a grief lesson. Wow, do you know what a job I would love is? — I would love to give grief consults to people writing movies, novels, etc. People who haven’t felt that all-consuming grief nor have been educated in the prevalent theories. Have y’all not read a book?

Executive Director of Heritage Museum: Our history museum could become… history.

You can’t beat dialogue like that, kids. You can write it, perhaps with zero practice and a generous editor, but you can’t beat it.

This is yer typical “save the beloved family business” plot line. The man who comes forward to save the day is, of course, the love interest. There is an air of mystery about him, whatever the F his name is — how did he injure himself? Why is he being picked up in full uniform? He doesn’t want to talk about what happened to him, which we get, hello trauma, but this is a movie.

Amanda has TWO suitors. One is a friend of her dead husband who has been courting her for two years. He’s apparently a lawyer. (Never fuck a lawyer.) The other is her new tenant, the injured current soldier. We already know which one she will choose. There’s no “choice” for her, she is married to the idea of being a soldier’s wife. And that’s ok, but of course in a Hallmark film, completely un-examined and un-processed. She’s known dude A since they were in 9th grade. That’s not sexy, per se, but some people do it. Dude B — she’s feeling the feels. She needs to be honest with A and B, that’s the truth there.

Her sister actually does a good job — she encourages her to give away just one of her dead husband’s shirts. And Amanda can’t do it. She’s pressuring a little… but also being very clear that she loves her no matter what and also understands the love that Amanda had with Rick.

They are NOT too old for their romantic parts. That aspect of IMDB really pissed me off. They’re both single and, thus, not “too old” to date and enjoy one another. Fuck!

Ok, just go watch it. It’s a fine movie if you can get passed the soldier shit.